From relationships, to professional work lives, down to stocks, the cars we drive, and the homes we live in hold a certain value. As we develop and further understand who we are as individuals, the daunting question which we all have heard before comes into greater importance. “What do you have to bring to the table?” We even ask that about potential partners. I remember a friend of mine saying to me about a guy she was dating, ‘I mean, he just doesn’t bring much to the table.” Of course it is beyond our control to determine the value of our cars, clothes, and other tangible things. Thankfully for us, the very thing that has the potential to hold the most value, is the very thing we have immense control over. These are the things that make our “tables” that much more valuable.
We all love the idea of a perfect relationship with the seemingly perfect spouse. For both men and women, we search for specific qualities that make up the ‘perfect” person. Funny, romantic, ambitious, motivated, spiritual, dependable, and spontaneous are all just a few characteristics that some of us may find fitting for Mr or Miss Right. Standards are great, necessary even. However, oftentimes the attention we put into looking at what others have to offer, takes away from the attention we have on ourselves and sharpening our own characteristics . Just think. You want someone hilariously funny, but you are as uptight as your grandmama’s pantyhose on a Sunday morning. You want someone driven and motivated, but you are very comfortably working your everyday job with no intent to move forward.We attract what we are. The universe has a very funny way of surrounding us with like minded individuals. You attract motivated individuals when you become motivated. You attract positive individuals when you are positive. You can share a laugh with someone because you both have a common sense of humor. Take the very characteristics you look for so diligently in someone else, and work on them within yourself. How can you ask someone to be something that you are nowhere close to being? A bit hypocritical I would say. Focus more of what you have to offer, rather than what you shall receive.
Relationships can be difficult. It is an everyday job just like the ones we wake up to go to, the businesses we run, the music and arts we put our time and attention into. Healthy relationships are not pointing the finger at the opposing individuals, but instead being open to seeing what you can improve instead. Sometimes we can fix our own issues, by simply working on ourselves first. Contrary to popular belief, it is not always the other person. You ever thought the underlying issue could stem from you? Accountability is key. This is the idea of “bringing a table to the table” while already in a relationship. Before turning a finger, let’s learn to self evaluate first in order to present the best version of ourselves to the “table”. Accountability turns our “relationship” tables from the fold out leg, pop up ones we pull from the garage for thanksgiving dinner, to the sterling silver, marble glass top table we see glistening when we visit the furniture store. Present the best version of yourself.
Bringing a “table to the table” is the idea of presenting the very qualities we expect from someone else. When you turn your attention on your own attributes, we run our price tags up. We become that much more valuable. It could even be intimidating for some. Just think of it, if you are in the mall you may stop in Old Navy, Forever21, or Footlocker on a regular basis for shopping. Stores in most of our price ranges. Many of us cannot consistently shop at high end stores such as Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom, so we don’t even stop by. Look at your personal value as the same. When we run our price tag up, many of those who KNOW they are not on our level will not even stop by. So the next time you feel someone sizing you up, wondering what you have to “bring to the table”, be proud to have your own table to bring, crystalline gold, hand crafted, marble top with brass iron legs; because many can’t afford a table as such.
That’s right, the more people who come to the forefront with their perspective of themselves in order, the more people we can learn to live with. People are so judgemental, whole time they themselves are the problem. Fix yourself, then find purpose or find purpose by fixing yourself.